Staying alone at my house has never been a habit. With any kind of problems arising, I always start speaking to mom, if the reason was "her" or if "she" failed to solve it. Maa was always there for a solution that she was never aware of.
But today, she and dad left for Durgapur. The house looks empty now. The half completed dinner is still on the table. The laptop is stuck on Suits Season 3 Episode 2. The entire evening seemed to experience a mental breakdown as I kept doing something I wasn't supposed to. This was probably the first time, I did not watch the game properly. Amidst all superstitions, I failed to pursue one. But that's alright cause it was my decision.
A helpless feeling about her safety some 1000 kms away meant everything at that time. One lead to another and I ended up contacting a friend of her's. I knew I wasn't doing the right thing. But I had to, didn't I? I didn't have proof to show my condition at that moment.
But I fucked up. I fucked up real bad. I realized how wrong I was the entire time. But as they describe it, I am in love. I tried my best to keep that feeling unconditional, but I failed so badly. She pointed out my faults. Faults, that I thought I never did. Living with these faults, doesn't seem to be an option. I made some mistakes and those mistakes lead me to believe something that I don't think I can live with. I'll try for some hours. Mom and dad are away. I can't even talk to her right now. I can't even walk up to the adjacent room and start a conversation with a silly excuse that I am having a "back pain".
This is a what they call a "pain". Too mushy?
"She" will be without a problem.
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