MY DIARY!!

[Read this first - http://floatingmemories92.blogspot.in/2013/10/her-diary.html ]

DAY 43 - Joggers Park somehow became my new home. Living alone in Nadia wasn't supposed to be a pleasant and romantic adventure at such a late age. However, it was solely my decision to make a shift over from Kolkata. I was staying at a nearby old homage along with 40 other hopeless friends. As usual, I went over to the park sharp at 4:30 pm. I was wearing my Liverpool Jersey today. A jersey that was once gifted to me by someone. I am 62 years now and I still have it with me and in so many years, it has finally fitted me well. I sat at one end of the green bench overlooking the gorgeous pool. I had the evening newspaper with me. I started reading when I suddenly realized, an elderly lady who was wearing a blue kurti, sat beside me on the other end of the bench. I don't know what happened to me, but that blue kurti made me remember someone. A certain someone who gifted me the Liverpool jersey. I was too afraid to look at her. But the blue kurti she was wearing was somewhat similar to the one I used to drool over some 40-42 years ago. 

She started talking to me about the weather. I was too nervous to even look at her. I think she felt bad about it. But I had no other options. The way she dressed herself, I couldn't help but notice that even at such an old age she looked quite fit. She started talking about her son Danish. She told me there was some problem going at her place and her daughter in law was also not treating her properly. At the old homage, Suresh and Dinu always come up with such stories and bore me to death. But this lady seemed somehow different. I couldn't follow her up properly especially because the way she dressed and talked to me. A distant memory of a certain Delhi girl popped up and her face became clear to me once again. 

She said her name was Devika and she was from Hyderabad. Quite a fancy one. She looked unhappy and I made it difficult for her because I was too nervous to even look at her and smile a bit. I saw her chant some evening prayer facing the sun and then she left off. I didn't get to see her face clearly. I felt a sudden urge of excitement and I don't remember the last time I had such a feeling. I have been a widower for the last 6 years and have stayed alone at my Kolkata house. Shifting to Nadia was a hard decision but I had to do something to get away from the memories. 

DAY 44 - She came back again today. I made sure I reach joggers park early. Today she was wearing a blue churidar. She came and sat beside me. I understood she was waiting for me to start up the conversation. But I don't know why, I did not wish to talk to her at all. But a surprising urge to listen to her words bestowed upon me like I have known her for a long time. I was very much aware of the time she took, to hold her patience and eventually give up on it. It was 8 minutes and 42 seconds. I carried a paper with me where I wrote "hello". But the moment it accidently flew out of my pocket I made sure I do not take up that stunt of behaving like the dumbest person alive. She left early. She looked in a hurry. I wished she had stayed for a little bit longer but she didn't look back when I watched her leave. It was alright. Maybe she was in a hurry and talking to me wasn't the most important thing today. 

Day 45 - The sudden urge to meet someone had stayed away from my soul for a pretty long time now. Even before I got married, I somehow got so much busy with my works that the urge of getting a girlfriend and the concept of roaming around entire Kolkata vanished away long ago. I am 62 now and approaching a certain age I will be virtually prohibited from thinking about the opposite gender.
I reached joggers park early. I sat there for almost 40 minutes without looking to the other side of the bench. The clock struck 5. She was supposed to reach the place by then. But there was no sign of her. I started to worry. I assumed she was nowhere near to me, I started looking around for her. I started to look at everyone who went past me. I am sure nobody took me as a sane person for that period of time. I looked around. She was nowhere. Then suddenly...I made eye contact with her. I don't know what happened but I probably saw someone I had met long ago. The way she dressed, the way she looked at me... I felt a sudden joy in my soul and a satisfaction that has not been there for a long time. A happiness that kick started once again after a long long time. I saw her leave. I made sure I don't over react. Why was she nervous? She just walked past me as if she had seen something scary. Am I that scary? I need to check myself out in the mirror. Off I go. 

Day 46 - She told me she had made Palak Paneer for her son. She kept telling me about how much her son used to like it when he was young. They way she described her daughter in law's cooking abilities, it became very difficult for me to hold on to my laughter. But I had to. She said Danish, her son, didn't eat the Palak Paneer she made for him. She was sad. I knew she was very upset. Only if it was possible for me to go and hug her tightly.. Maybe she would have felt a bit happier. I was very angry at her son. His mother made his favorite food and he simply forgot to eat it? How pathetic can a man become and grow up to be a slave of his wife and not pay any heed to his old mother? Oh btw, the way she came up to me and started complaining.. I somehow felt I must be the most important person in her life now. She didn't know me. I was a complete stranger to her. But in a couple of days, I became her favorite stranger. I did not want to create any disturbance and express my expert opinion. I understood that despite having initial problems of me being quiet, she actually likes it now cause maybe I won't be correcting her at all. She trusts me by sharing all her problems to me. I did not want to break that trust by replying to her. 

I had a same situation long ago when I wished I was able to run up to her and give her a tight hug and everything will be alright again. But I couldn't do anything about her. She used to share everything with me, maybe with a hope that I'll make her feel brilliant again. But I failed. I couldn't go up to her and tell her everything is absolutely fine. 

But its ok! It's been a long time and suddenly Devika comes into my life. She shares so many things with me. I was thinking today, if I wasn't available to her, maybe this entire situation would have kept building inside her. I felt it was my duty to at least listen to her words until she gets back her happiness. 

DAY 47 - I did not have any energy to go to Joggers Park today. I felt feverish and have been coughing since early morning. The nurses here gave me some medicine and said I'll be alright by lunchtime. But nothing improved. But I had to visit Jogger park because she would be coming over there. I was absolutely correct. There she was wearing a beautiful red kurti and a Patiala and was looking so elegant. I wish I had the guts to change my trademark position while talking to her and admire her beauty while she kept talking to me. I had a scarf around my neck so that the cold doesn't catch up anymore. My constant coughing was an unnecessary disturbance to the entire monologue. Today also Danish did not have lunch with her. Why are her children so heartless. They have an old lady staying alone almost the entire day but they are too cold hearted to even talk to her properly. She said so many things to me today. She looked really unhappy. I was too afraid to break the jinx. She did not mind though. She was satisfied with the fact that she has a listener in her life who doesn't react to her words. To be honest, if I had the guts to talk to her, I would have given her full support for what she has been dealing with. She looked worried about my health condition, but I would have no way left that bench until she was gone. She continued talking about her childhood days and how lovely was her son when they used to play at their Hyderabad balcony until he became a slave to his wife Aarti. Only if her family understood the pain they provide her...... Such shameless people.. Good night for now...

DAY 48 - I had no idea it was her birthday today. She seemed so overjoyed. Not because it was her birthday, but because her family was actually behaving rudely with her only to give her a nice surprise on her birthday. Her voice sounded so jolly. She was wearing an off white Salwar Kameez. She later revealed that it was a gift from her son Danish. Her grand daughter and grand son all sang the Happy Birthday song to her. Oh how long has it been that anybody has sung that song to me!!! She looked very gorgeous today. The way she looked happy and at peace. The grin on her face never seemed to fade away as she shared all the moments on how she celebrated her 61st birthday. I had a piece of paper with me. I somehow managed to write "Happy Birthday to you my lady. You look the best when you are happy. Do not lose this smile. My job here is done. Stay blessed". But as usual I did not have the guts to even pass on the note to her. She looked so amazing as her face kept glowing under the setting sun. She left after an hour long session of complete monologue. I looked at her and smiled for a couple of seconds just as she turned towards her home. I got back my senses and immediately shifted my vision in a complete different direction. 

I watched her go. I have seen that smile before. Only just the previous one was a little bit more gorgeous. I somehow stuck up the piece of paper under the Green Bench so that it doesn't fly away and also grabs her attention the next time she comes here. 

Today was my last day at Joggers Park. My job there was done. All these years of not being able to make someone happy when she desperately needed it, somewhat received a certain amount of satisfaction after I saw Devika smile and act so joyous. 

I wish I had made that young lady of my life, happy, when she needed that happiness desperately. She trusted me and asked me to make her happy. I was so nervous to even crack a proper joke. I fell in love with her. She memories still linger around me. Devika just came into my life 6 days ago. She probably resemblances that certain someone, I met a long time ago. The Blue kurti and the Red churidar made me recollect those fond memories that I had when I was 20 and she was 19. She got back her happiness sooner than she expected but I couldn't bring it up to her quick enough. 
I complete my diary here. This was not about Devika but the one whom she resembled. It was a good day after all.